For centuries we all have known Santa Claus to be a bearded old chubby man with a red and white velvet suit. Well, what if the Santa that you knew was actually a woman?
Think about it – Christmas is one of the biggest world-wide celebrations, it’s an organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal. Doesn’t that make you think of a loving mother or granny?
Not to pick sides, but I have a tough time thinking that a man could pull this off, and here is why.
Firstly, the vast majority of men don't even think about what gifts to buy until Christmas Eve. It's like most of them are frozen solid until 3 pm on the 24th of December, as where woman carefully select the right gift, something that you have seen the other person needed or kept nagging for, by still staying in the budget set out.
Then, on the last minute arriving at the mall to pick a gift, they always seem surprised to only be able to find socket wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. Well, you might think a little guilt will kick in by then, but as many men have said before, "it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th-hour decision-making burden".
Another problem is, imagine if your man is a fan of hunting season and say, for some reason, he has missed the year's chance to go and hunt for his little springbuck. Suddenly, right in front of him is a group of reindeer, there would be no reindeer left and poor Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Okay, say the he-santa did not shoot his reindeer, there will definitely still be transportation problems because he would somehow get lost in the snow and clouds, and refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Seeing that some men also have the natural instinct to fix everything they see is not right – according to them – Santa would have already been caught, seeing that he will spend hours trying to fix the Christmas tree that is slightly crooked until its standing in a perfect 90 degree angle.
Another reason why Santa can't possibly be a male – have you ever seen a man willing to wear red velvet with white fur, matching gloves, and a furry hat?
Let’s not forget how long some men take to answer their phone or even read a text message that you’ve sent two weeks ago. Some poor kids will not get their presents on Christmas day seeing that Santa couldn’t get to them all.
Men can't pack a bag and, even if Santa was a man, he would start packing on the 24th because "it is easy" and "not that much to pack".
So, I am convinced that Santa is indeed a woman. However, I do get why some of the other tales are men. I mean, Cupid flies around in a diaper carrying weapons – it makes sense.
Merry Christmas, boys and girls!